searching the extrodinary in something ordinary

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Thought of something i wanted to say, typed it out and decided to chuck that somewhere else instead. Instead, here i would like to write something which is more self reflective.

Lately i have been going on and on allowing something or rather someone to torture me for the past few days. But the only problem is, this someone has no clue whatsoever that i am bashing myself becuase of him. For all i know, I dont even exist in his immediate thoughts for one single second, but the same can't be said for him. Every once in a while he will creep into my thoughts without my immediate realization. I can be as angry as i like about him creeping into my thoughts and it wouldnt effect him one bit. I can stare at the msn screen seething at the fact that i do not get even a single message from him and he would probably be playing dota or somthing else. So the question is why am i doing this to myself. When i stand outside and look at myself i can't help but laugh at myself. Is this what you people out there are doing now. Shaking your heads at how silly i am? Nevermind i can understand. But everything is gonna be alright. It is just taking a little bit longer than i planned to lift myself out of this dreary mood.

On another note, 8tv came to monash malaysia to hold some audition thing for tv presenters. I was slightly contempelating if i should have tried out. After all its not every day that i get this chance. But unfortunately i didnt manage to convince myself to do it. Once again i allowed a chance to slip by. i wonder when will I ever learn to have more confidence in myself and just let fly whatever reservations and go all out to enjoy every experience that life has to offer. But i think prehaps a few partners in crime will help give me a better push.


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