searching the extrodinary in something ordinary

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Rae always tells me that i put too much pressure on myself. On one hand perhaps i kind of agree with her but on the other hand I am not too sure. You see, the bad thing about me is i have trouble gauging things. My mind works in a rather abstract manner. Which explains why i am absolutely disorganized. Perhaps i would have been better at more artsy stuffs. Strangely i am a soon to be engineer. But then again, if i dont pressure myself..... i'd just end up being too relaxed and nothing would have been done. Now why i am saying this is really that i am pretty surprised that it had only been about a month since my hardware arrived and with all the troubleshooting and all its pretty amazing that it had only been a month. It felt like ages. And It still feels like i havent done enough. (It is my thesis i am talking about btw). I know i could have done more but to think back, no way am i going to let anyone deny that i did do work. Now three more weeks, I am having a hard time telling myself to hang in there. I just feel like ditching it and just running away. Funny thing to say for someone who is about to reach the ending line kind of. But i am just so sick and tired of this whole feeling of uncertainty that i just want things to end. If this was a relationship, I would have just walked out. I know, I know just shows that i am the kind of person that runs away from problems. I admit it, thats me deep down inside or maybe on the surface, I dont really know. But somewhere else there is this other part of me that just wouldn't allow for me to give up. But the end result is this half baked one side that wants to give up and another side that say stay till the end kind of work. Absolutely tiring and stressful experience. But i know looking back that its all going to be worth it ...... i hope. :P


At 7:31 PM, Blogger Evelyn said...

the feeling of you have not done enough. the feeling of whether you're ever gonna grad or not. hehe... so strong la all these feelings towards the end. maybe cause reaching the end is always the hardest. plus so much work. i also feel like running away.


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