searching the extrodinary in something ordinary

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

You know with these ppl graduating once they sit for their last paper and moving on, everyone is having plans or starting to make plans as to what is their next step in this real life chess game. Plan ur move correctly and checkmate, one wrong move and u loose the game. And it seems like they already have their game on. Most of them anyway. Some have alr made decisions to continue to seek the road of knowledge and predictabily remain in the education line so i guess they alr have their roads planned. Then there are some who alr went for interviews gaining a head start so to say. And listening in i can't help but feel somehow lost in the whole hullaballoo. So many things to think about really and even if i am not graduating till middle of next year *crosses fingers* i can't help but get swept into the whole whirlwind of things. Which mostly means the fear of not getting the perfect job, but most importantly if getting a job at all. But worst of all, for some time there, even before all this ppl started to talk about jobs, I was wondering if engineering related jobs were going to be my thing. And for some period i started considering an alternative field. I couldn't think of a position which i might find interesting and i didnt want a desk job or a job doing the same thing everyday. But most importantly though was that i am afraid that i am not good enough for jobs that are non of the above. I keep replaying in my head of an interview scene where they ask, so what are u good at and i turn up blank. Even if i was a monash grad, would my grades be good enough? Am i capable of proving something? Some time ago i might give at least a somewhat assuring yes! But really lately, i dunno. I have been loosing confidence in myself. But even so, I don't want to be mediocre, I want to do better than that, I don't want it to be just a dream. Sometimes i lose myself but now its time to regain this person. And somehow i feel like i need to bank in on my thesis project and make a big bang. The only problem is i need to find the potential in it. I know its no big research and i am not coming out with a new algorithm or solution. But after the exams i need to sit down and look for an alternative to make my thesis title work. They say give me lemons and i will make lemonades. I am yet to see the light beyond the tunnel to tell u the truth, but at least i have hope. I hope i don't let myself down. Now first thing first, presentation and exams!!


At 2:15 AM, Blogger Rae said...


At 5:38 AM, Blogger Evelyn said...

i feel u.... anyway some engineering guys really take the head start/kiasuism to a whole new level, scaring the rest of us. ignore them. ^_^


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