searching the extrodinary in something ordinary

Thursday, December 22, 2005

I know i left the post before this hanging. It was suppose to be saved as a draft but i accidently posted it. Anyways i will update that later. As of now i would like to post a hopefully thought provoking post. I know i haven' really posted much of those lately. but i can assure u that, that doesn't mean i haven't been thinking. In fact i have been thinking lots. Just that i did less of brooding over the issue. I just don't want to be constantly having a heartbreaking feeling following me around. I have enough of those alr. So that basically means that once i sit down to blog. Which doesn't get to happen too often now adays. Which doen't help the situation one bit, I forget what i wanted to say.

But this thought has been hovering around for quite some time now. So I decided it is about time I put it down in words. So here goes.

You know how it is that as you grow older ppl around you grow older as well. Sometimes we fail to notice this. Wishing to think that our parents will still and always remain how we remember them to be when we were the kids that was without a care. This applies to those with grandparents as well. We just forget that they grow old too. Well i think one way or other i did too until one day you just finally realize that they really aren't as young as they use to be anymore. More white hairs, more wrinkles and illnesses and all. The thought is pretty depressing.

Like i say, this thought has been hovering over my head for some time, but just recently, michelle's grandma was admitted to the national heart institute for blocked arteri. The initial diagnosis was that its not a big deal and she just needs to be there for observation. Then the other day, they say she needs to be operated on for one arteri. But when the brought her in to the operating theatre, they found that they couldnt operate yet because there was 3 arteri blocked instead. She tried to call me for some one to talk to, but regretfully i did not hear the phone. I called back later, and found out about that. I am really worried for her and her grandma.

As of late I really have developed a phobia of people dieing on me. Its not really to do with the whole tons of ppl died around the world disastor thing. But i think i really have my fill of family deaths for the yr and even the time being. Thinking about it, the way they went gave enough room to not be paralyzed with grief, since it was the better way out, than the option of living and suffering. They are hopfully at a better place now.

And thinking about it, the time we had together was long enough to develop fondness but short enough to have a slight disattachment. And thus thinking about this, i wonder how my mom felt as they were her parents. The kind of slight disattachment i feel can never apply to her. And from there i wonder how i will handle it when it comes my turn. But besides that, it has come to a point now that, i find myself thinking, pls don't let anyone i know go anytime soon, because i really don't know how to handle another one. And i mean anyone at all.

They say life is about birth and death. And i get it. Just let me get my bearings before anymore stuffs happens. And make it a good long time.