searching the extrodinary in something ordinary

Monday, August 13, 2007

Its wierd how almost 10 days have passed since my last post. Got so fast meh. Doesnt feel like that also. Make me feel like wo de ren sheng hen wu liao oh(like my life so meaningless) . Lately i have been totally watching all those taiwanese shows which i did not managed to when i was stressing over assignments so thats why suddenly my personal narration also turn into mandarin base liao. But i think i am more "chinese" than i let myself believe sometimes. Not that it is a bad thing really, just that i dont really put myself into a category and when it is brought up it doesnt register.

Anyways, this few weeks i have been living a life which i couldnt imagine, and not in a good way. Arghh i hate to admit that i have been absolutely bumming wei. Just fallen into this dark hole of bummingness. And i am disgusted that i can't even get myself to wake up early enough to go jog in the field. Trust me, this feeling is absolutely scary, as if there isnt a meaning to life, no aim, no goals. Is this how depression feels like? But then i have decided to take up something which should at least give me some purpose although i am not so sure if i really want to do it. I am writing a paper which is partially an extension of my thesis. As if it is some kind of self confirmation. And apparently i will have to give a talk in a conference if my paper gets published. *sweat* I have two minds over this and i have some problems getting started. So i think sorting my thoughts through words is a good therapy and acts as a spark plug in getting things started. OK feeling more motivated liao. Off to do a little research. Gambatte.


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