searching the extrodinary in something ordinary

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Someone's msn nick read : what is the thing you want to do most? . And his answer was fill up the fridge with different kind of just tea. Which I find amusing, and at the same time thought provoking coz for a period of time there i stopped asking myself what is the thing i want to do most and just zombied through the days. And its like b4 the first sem ended i had a dozen and one thing i wanted to do when it finally does and i have time to just kick back and do what my heart desire without having to complete this assignment or that project yada yada yada. Basically whatever i thought up have to be put on hold till further notice. I really wanted to kick back and enjoy a book or start up a sketch on something eventhough i haven't really drawn for a long time. Or take up dance class or something. I realize that i have been depriving my artistic side quite a bit. And i realize i lack the sponteniety to just sieze the moment and do what i want to do at that very moment, like say pack up and fly off to somewhere :P. Or is that only something that happens in the movie. Sometimes i feel suffocated by all this things that are binding me. What i yearn most is to be free and just do it. Maybe it might seem immatured to take of just like that, or even for wanting to do it. Or maybe it might even seem selfish. But no matter how much i want to reject the notion i still can't. Its probably the asian in me. But there is a romantic in me as well more trapped than the former. One could always dream can't we.

On i side note, i hate saying things that i feel i will be judged on, that is why most of the time i rather say nothing at all. The thing is that i judge people too and i don't believe on the fly that there is a single one person who has not judged another person base on things that was done or things that was said. And this is usually due to short sightedness i guess coz i tend to realize that when i was judgemental that i have not experienced the sort of thing that the person went through for them to be a certain way until later when i come across first hand what they have experiened. I might not have acted or said the things that i had judged them on but i come to realize why is it that they come to that kind of conclusion. But i guess one can argue that it shouldn' matter how other's see you. But honestly how many of us can really say we don't mind one bit. If there was such a person i would say they are either way delusonal of have eaten so much salt in life that they manage to be detached from this world having seen it all. But that aside i shall be cultivating myself to be both less judgemental and more detached. So i guess i will go eat more salt now.

There, my quota for the week. But really i wouldn't have written if i had nothing to say.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Muah ha ha ha. Rae ask me to upate so here i am. And i updated.

Sigh, its not that there isnt anything to update. I dunno if there is anything to update but i dont have that urge to say much. I shall be a person of few words from now on. Class is started, there are many things i am disatisfied about. But at the moment i don't think ranting will give me much satisfaction. Maybe i am over that phase or maybe i am on a haitus from that phase who knows. There are also new things i have done like get a hair cut or bought a pair of gold shoes and an rm 10 shirt, but at the moment i guess those are just those. And i am in the middle of planning how i am gonna achieve 4 hrs of a work a day while juggling my like crazy assigments for this sem. I have a subject with 80% project internals this sem. One with 50% internals divided into labs and projects and so on. Nevertheless its still work. Third one a interactive modelling subject with project as well. And not to forget thesis which is the ultimatum. Will see how thing goes, just hope i havent died by the time everything is over.

Till the writing bug bites. Toodles for now