searching the extrodinary in something ordinary

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Bliss is when you are able to satisfy your rm 10 craving with an rm 1 solution. I was craving for a nice ice-blended for quite some time, but it feels rather extravagant to me for the moment so i stop my self short of walking up to the counter and placing an order. But guess what can pacify a nice ice-blended drink craving but a little regretfully minus the caffien fix but non-the-less gratifying. A Mc Donald's soft ice cream. Absolutely heavenly at a fraction of a price.

And you know wat i feel. Addictions attacks a person when they are at their most vulnrable. Sorry but i associate addiction with weakness. Think about it. If you can't stop yourself from repeatedly taking something that you know could be harmful isn't that weakness. Like people who claim to fag because they are stress. When i am stress i tend to seek solace in coffee now or rather i think of seeking solace in coffee. And i know i am at my weakest when i am stressed because every single part of my brain threaten to go on strike. But i shall preservere ;).

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

I have been finding writing to be a chore lately and that probably added to the reason i gave for updating in the previous post. I look at all the assignments and report that i have to churn out and a feeling of apprehension seem to just engulf me. Not to mention how it is with the class that forever is able to productively mass produce words for a living and hand up assignments which can at times be as thick as your common text books. I have to say that for some time now that my self esteem have been somehow slowly been eaten away that at one point or another i become a bag of jangled nerves just thinking of the type of quality work which they will produce that i am not able to live up to. And here i am sitting and knowing full well that this is an unhealthy state of mental health that i have somehow acquired. But simply i am putting too much unnecessary pressure on myself. But truth be told, I don't think that in the first place this pressure which i am piling on to myself is anywhere close to helpful in making me the next class genius because the only thing that it has been able to do is make me want to run away more. But the only thing that has been holding me in place is the stubborness that insist that you have gotta face it whether you like it or not. I guess that has to be attributed to my taurus star which claims stubborness as my quality which maybe i might thank my lucky stars for one day.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Sigh..... i think you can say that the lack of post here is reflective of my current condition of a lack of opinion. I somehow happen to find it oddly hard to express myself in a sense that i am firstly at a lost for proper words to string a proper sentence or a lack of ability to make the sentence make sense. And so therefore affecting me to have a lack of opinion or rather a lack of energy to verbalize my opinion. I think i need someone to practice speaking on. Any takers? Well i do find i need to address this problem seriously. But not now i guess... i am too busy worrying about the gargantuan amount of work i need to cover whithin the time frame of less than a month.
Now that could be part of the problem too i guess since that is about like a huge portion taking my attention at a given moment. So today i was sitting as i was having breakfast with daphi and michelle and they were like talking about stuffs like the 9/11 conspiracy theory and fashion shows and all. I sort of just sat there and listened finding words or opinions i would have liked to give but finding none. Then i was thinking hey is it that i have no knowledge of this subject and the answer that came back was really "i am not sure". I mean it is not as if i don't really know but then is not that i am super knowlegable either. But somehow i guess this convo which was started one day when i sat down to lunch with my resident class smarty pants just happen to be nagging me. This guy used to be the kinda guy which does not fit one bit into being nerdy or be associated with scholarly persuits. The kind which i would presume has "fun" as a middle name. But now when he meets up with his old bunch of friends he happen to find that they no longer have a commmon ground of conversation. All he wants to talk about is robots and stuffs related to what he does now. And all they talk about is kids (which some of them unsruprisingly has acquire) and computer games. And I couldn't accept that. For such a long time I have always believed in having a wide scope of knowledge for a wide scope of conversational topic and now i am afraid i might be turning into a one dimensional person. Oh god that is a scary thought. There is more to life isn't it? Besides work and more work. But somehow that has seem to taken over my part of the life even if i have no interest in putting it into a conversational topic. But the only problem being I have no time to update myself with whatever else which has been happining around that, well i don't have a choice but to keep quiet. And no i seriuosly don't find the prospect of sitting around with a bunch of engineers all the time and only disecting the parts of our research that is on going eventhough it must be done once in a while to enhance our scholarly persuit one bit appetizing. But that is a sad thought.

So there you have it. The thoughts that have been churning around my head for the past couple of weeks while i haven't updated.

On another matter this article has me thinking. ( well i do have an opinion now don't i !). Its really interesting how people tend to press their opinions on others. Quite a big chunk of comments on the page actually ridicules her for keeping her chastity. Acting as if they know it all and she is just some naive little girl that stares wide eyed at the mention of sex. It is a choice to be made and at the tone of her post she is concious of her raging hormones too. So she should be given credit for making a stand for her believe. The way I see it the life is your's live it the way you see fit as long as u know what you are getting yourself into. Some might want to indulge in their needs and some might have a different set of needs that needs indulging in. Just as long as you are happy. In other words why the fck you bother who is fcking and who is not.